Who do you love the most?

As I tucked my boys into bed tonight, Isaiah (my 5 year old) asked me if I love him more than Daddy. I replied, “Do you know who I love the most, even more than you or Daddy? I love Jesus and loving Him the most helps me to love Daddy and you even more.” He smiled and rolled over to fall asleep, believing with all of his heart that God is and always will be our first love.

As I walked out of his room though, I wondered if what I said was directed more towards Isaiah’s belief in Christ or mine. If I am honest with myself, when he asked me that question I could have very easily answered, I love myself the most. I love Daddy the most. I love Isaiah and Levi the most. I love my comfort the most. I love my safety and security the most. Do I TRULY LOVE Christ the most? I’d like to think so, but as I spend more time with God I realize that I live a life very disproportionate in love.

My love for safety has far outweighed my love for setting other captives free.
My love for my children has far outweighed my love for my neighbor.
My love for myself has far outweighed the love and respect I show to Kyle when we disagree.
My love for comfort has far outweighed the love I have for making an impact in the orphan crisis.

It seems that I have lived a life all about pleasing me. I am a woman that has been bound and broken by the love I’ve chosen to pour into specific areas of my life, while completely withholding from others. The more real that God becomes to me, the more I see that He longs for ALL OF ME. Not just my fluffy children’s tales of true love with my heavenly Father, or the hand-selected few that receive my best, BUT FOR EVERY SINGLE MOMENT OF MY LIFE TO BE LIVED FULLY IN LOVE.

My life may not look like how I think it should and I’m quite certain that it never will. I am incapable of understanding God’s great love for me and in that, I am unable to grasp how desperately He longs to change and grow me from the inside out. He works best when I am willing to get uncomfortable but doesn’t require my full submission before beginning. He is the God of love and mercy, willing to meet me where I am at. In this moment, I acutely aware that while I love Him, I haven’t allowed myself to fall deeply, madly, and truly in love with my Creator. He is patiently waiting for me to choose to love Him ABOVE ALL ELSE, so that He can pour His great love into me so that it will overflow into the lives of those around me.

I don’t know about you, but I am excited to pursue my sweet and precious Heavenly Father tonight! What a gift that He has given me to continue to show me how to know Him more!

Resting in His love,
Bekah